How Do You Want to Be Held?

Photo by Nuno Duarte on Flickr

For the past three weeks, I've been taking beginning dance lessons in a group setting - meaning that I get to experience lots of different dance partners within a given class.

To my surprise, rather than learning a lot about where to put my feet, I've been learning a lot about how I want to be held and how I may want to hold others - on the dance floor and off.

From parenting to love to leadership, these beginner dance lessons have led me to look at my relationships through a refreshing new lens.

On the dance floor, I discovered that I want to feel my partner's presence and intentions through a firm connection between us (hand on my shoulder blade, arm nestled in outstretched arm). I can then sense where my partner wants to go and can respond by moving in sync, rather than trying to guess where to go (hold too light) or being dragged along (grip too tight, partner pushing and pulling).

In my other relationships, if I want to communicate an intention, do I move ahead before connection has been established, leaving the other to feel confused or angry? Do I grip tightly so that the other person feels like I am pushing and pulling? Or do I make sure we have a firm connection which allows meaning to pass between us?

On the dance floor, I want a partner who adjusts the length of strides to mine, rather than taking big, gulping steps which leave me hopping just to keep up.

In my other relationships, when I want to take things in a new direction, do I leap ahead impatiently, forcing the other person to hop after me or lag behind? Or do I pace my stride, taking smaller steps so they can experience choice and mattering if they want to join me?

On the dance floor, when I spin, I want a partner who can offer my fingers a cup-shaped hand (not a vise or a bowl) that is open enough for me to rotate freely, but not so loose that I become unmoored during my spin.

In my other relationships, when people want to explore - to take a solo spin (with my support) - do I hold their hands so tightly they have to wrench their wrists to turn? Do I let go completely so they spin out of control or lose their connection with me? Or do I provide a cupped hand that is neither too tight nor too loose, allowing them to rotate within our shared orbit without flying out of it?

Finally, on the dance floor, when I move away from my partner temporarily (as in a rock step in Swing) I want to feel a stetchy-rubber-band tension between us - a little tug with some give in it, which leads me back to my partner in time.

And in my other relationships, when others want to stretch a bit into their autonomy, moving away from me temporarily, do I form a tight rope between us that threatens to pull them short? Or do I hold their hand with a bit of give, so they feel their freedom and my presence, as we come apart and back together again in a dance of respect and co-creation?

32 comments:

  1. From parenting to love to leadership, these beginner dance lessons have led me to look at my relationships through a refreshing new lens. Business Voip

    ReplyDelete
  2. For the past three weeks, I've been taking beginning dance lessons in a group setting - meaning that I get to experience lots of different dance partners within a given class. Phone Systems Charlotte

    ReplyDelete
  3. Discover Verizon Enterprise Solutions' cloud-based VoIP systems. Find out how we can help replace your old PBX phone systems with business VoIP solutions.Hosted Phone System

    ReplyDelete
  4. How one would want to be held is facinating and amazing. Its facts and figures are counted and measured for the betterment and efficiency. The sufficiency of the goals is best essay writing site and aims are intriguing and intricate.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am an artist and i love art work very much and this blog is very interesting and useful for me in this way,i appreciate this work.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I enjoyed your entries on Toxic Words - such great thoughts and a wonderful reminder to watch the words I use - to be positive and kind and use words to build up rather than tear down. :)
    keramiek tafelblad

    ReplyDelete
  7. Interesting post and thanks for sharing. Some things in here I have not thought about before. Thanks for making such a cool post.
    silicone plak bh

    ReplyDelete
  8. Really endure in mind United States and that we can money your test terribly brief amount with a virtually low charge.

    ReplyDelete
  9. These kind of articles are always attractive and I am happy to find so many good point here in the post writing is simply great thanks for sharing.plak beha

    ReplyDelete
  10. تعتبر شركة ركن الامانة (0505561372) للخدمات المنزلية من اهم الشركات التى تقدم لعملائنا الكرام المجالات و الارشادات بعمليات التنظيف المستمرة حيث تستخد الشركة افضل الاجهزة و المواد التنظيف الحديثة لنقوم بعمليات التنظيف و المكافحة حيث نقوم بازالة البقع بكل بساطة و بدون عناء فهدفنا هو ارضاء العميل فاتصلوا بنا على رقم الشركة
    شركة تنظيف خزانات بابها
    شركة تنظيف مجالس بابها
    شركة تنظيف بابها
    شركة تسليك مجارى بابها
    شركة كشف تسربات المياه بابها
    شركة مكافحة حشرات بابها
    شركة عزل اسطح بابها
    شركة عزل خزانات بابها
    شركة نقل اثاث بابها
    شركة تنظيف منازل بابها

    ReplyDelete
  11. شركة عالم الابداع(0556754275)شركة متخصصة و رائدة تتنوع خدماتها المميزة والتى تلائم جميع احتياجات عملائنا الكرام و تناسب كافة متطلباتكم و تعمل على تقديم خدمات شاملة متميزة بعروض مبهرة وكفاءة عالية لا مثيل لها فى كافة الخدمات فمن يريد نوفير الوقت و الجهد فشركتنا تقدم خدمات متنوعة وستجد كل مطالبك عندنا فتواصلوا معنا .
    شركة تنظيف بالدمام
    شركة تنظيف بالخفجى
    شركة تنظيف مجالس بالدمام
    شركة تنظيف موكيت بالدمام
    شركة تنظيف مكيفات بالدمام
    شركة تنسيق حدائق بالدمام
    شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام
    شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالدمام

    ReplyDelete
  12. Sign in to enter office setup product key. Know how to benefit, download, install, set in movement, uninstall and reinstall MS office setup.
    office.com/setup
    http://officecom-officeoffice.com/
    call us at +1-888-421-9666[tool free]

    ReplyDelete

  13. The office.com/setup yet all the product forever has the arrangement document, and it is exceptionally critical, without the arrangement record the product turn ineffective.Sign in to enter office setup product key. Know how to benefit, download, install, set in movement, uninstall and reinstall MS office setup and Get Started by now Office setup.
    www.office.com/setup | WWW.WEBROOT.COM/SAFE

    ReplyDelete
  14. Microsoft office.com/setup with your product key. Get started: step 1. Go to office.com/setup - Sign in,
    2nd. Enter product key, and 3rd. Install Office 365 or Office 2016. If you are having any Office Setup issue then call us at 24*7 for technical help. we also help with like Excel, PowerPoint, PowerPoint,
    Word, OneNote, ...all type issue ..We are also handing more lots of product .office.com/setup
    California zip@code 90002
    office.com/setup || office.com/setup

    office.com/setup
    www.office.com/setup
    office.com/setup
    office.com/myaccount

    ReplyDelete
  15. We are providing online assistance to the customers for norton antivirus. If you want support from the expert's so, you can click on the following link and our expert's give you the best solution to your problem.
    Office.com/setup
    www.norton.com/setup
    Norton.com/setup

    ReplyDelete

  16. شركة شحن عفش من الرياض الى الامارات شركة شحن عفش من الرياض الى الامارات
    شركة شحن عفش من الرياض الى الاردن شركة شحن عفش من الرياض الى الاردن
    شركة نقل عفش من الرياض الى المدينة المنورة شركة نقل عفش من الرياض الى المدينة المنورة

    ReplyDelete
  17. Microsoft Outlook is an email management program that offers a variety of organizational tools including a calendar, address book and task list. Get the Microsoft outlook from here and know how to install it on your computer by visiting "How to Install Microsoft Outlook?".

    ReplyDelete